Friday, February 27, 2009

Blue Funk Hits Hard(er)

Blue Funk - What exactly is a blue funk? Well what we have always termed a blue funk around our house is NOT what the dictionary considers it! The definition I found was this:

blue funk
Slang a state of great terror

However the Thesaurus on the same page says:

1. blue funk
- a state of nervous depression; "he was in a funk"
depression - a mental state characterized by a pessimistic sense of inadequacy and a despondent lack of activity
Now that is more how we define a blue funk in this house! And ever since, well, I'm not even sure exactly when it started again, but since sometime, I've begun to slide into a blue funk. And for some reason, I just can't seem to get out of it.
It has caused me to stop having too much to say here in blogland--hence the lack of posts.
It has caused me to stop everything on my quilts
--waiting until the last possible minute to get my fat quarters ready and mailed to
my swap partners. I'm hoping it didn't cause me to choose aweful fabrics just because
of my mood--if it did, I'm so sorry to those of you that are receiving them.
--not moving on to the next step of the YCMT quilt. So I'm now at least 1-2 (if not more)
steps behind where I should be.
--stopped working on my blocks for the Rainbow Sampler Quilt Swap--only 3 of 18 blocks
--can't get the inspiration to put fabrics together for the kalaidescope ruler quilt I want to
--stopped all forward motion on the calendar quilt--and having to "hunt" for fabric to put
into it for each day and find meaning for it.
It has caused me to doubt my own work more so than any time I can remember lately. And I know that my abilities haven't changed--just my perspective of them. I know that the two wonderful ladies that I've corresponded with meant to give me help and encouragement--but the perception of black and white print often does not relate the intention; but more of how the reader perceives it. I know that ALL quilters start out as beginners initially. I know that many quilters don't sew anything (and never have) but quilts. I know that since I have NEVER actually pieced, layered, quilted, bound, etc. a quilt that I am not a TRUE quilter. However the term "you're just a wannabe quilter" just hit a nerve (and yes I know that was not its intent, so don't feel badly about saying it). I have rarely been considered a wannabe--as it is a short time between a "wannabe" and an "is" for me. I was told that I shouldn't participate in any swaps (especially with those that are experienced quilters as I'll be at the mercy of the sharks instead of getting encouragement from them). Well now that I'm involved in one, working on 2 different blocks that I've obviously never attempted before in my life--What do I do? If I don't continue now and make the blocks there will be two groups in the swap that won't have a color finished for the quilt. If I'm doing them incorrectly I will have screwed up everyone's in those two groups quilts. I've been told over and over (by people that know me face-to-face and have either seen my work or have worn my work) that I can sew circles around most anyone put "up against me" and have things that are more professional looking than others as well. But yet I feel now like I have done exactly what I was told not to do. I've set myself up for failure
--by not having a quilting class under my list of "I've done that".
--by never having made a quilt before entering a swap.
--by allowing my newness to be seen by others here, on flickr, and then in person by
those receiving the squares.
--by allowing my naiveness of "if I can sew, I can quilt" come out so loud and clear.
--by even caring what others think of my work and letting it bother me so.
It has stopped my creativeness
--in the baby bib/burp sets I was making for 2 nieces and now 2 grandchildren.
--in the baby clothes I had planned to make.
--in the baby blankets and/or quilts I had planned to make.
--in my ability to digitize machine embroidery designs.
--to even want to see if anything has done anything at my etsy shop.
--to even want to get near a sewing machine.
--in finding art/craft projects for my classroom for my unit on space that are new or
interesting yet not so complicated that they are worth doing.
--to finish organizing and decorating my sewing room.
It has stopped my ability to think past "what can I blog about today" as I seem to be coming up blank.
It has stopped my ability to find new and interesting things to talk about--and don't want to get into a "pity party" (but seem to be) when I do sit down to blog.
It has stopped me from being able to even find a starting point to anything. I know that should be easy--"You start at the very beginning, it's the very best place to start. When you read you begin with ABC, when you sing you begin with Do, Re, Me" But I can't seem to find the "beginning" to anything.
I was given a Kreative Blogger award--and I just can't find a reason it should be posted on my blog. Don't get me wrong--I'm very thankful that it was given to me. I'm thrilled to think that another would think that I'm creative enough to deserve it. But for right now, I just cannot find the creativity in me feel that I should deserve it.
NO, I'm not fishing for compliments!
NO, I'm not looking for an ego boost!
YES, I'm trying to explain what is troubling me--a lack of ideas, a lack of motivation (and I should have TONS of it), a major lack of creativity; and I really need to find it back QUICKLY!!!
MAYBE I'll feel better about things tomorrow and I'll be able to get at least one or two things accomplished on at least part of my GOT TO DO this weeekend list! Seems my couple of weeks of a flurry of activity and accomplishment have peteered out into NOTHINGNESS! I need to get back to those weeks where I got so much accomplished in a day, let alone a weekend. I just don't know what it will take to get me back to that. Any suggestions? Any ideas of how to break through the wall of creativity block?


jaya pratheesh said...

awww dolphin! you seem to have hit the blogger's worst enemy..the 'no inpirations' phase. you know, the best way to get out of this is to go out, sit on the sun, (have a picnic!), look at the nature around you.

i dont know, but god's creativity always gets me out of the blues. look at a blade of grass, look at the teeny flowers on the ground. to quote the good book, if he can dress a lily better than the richest man on earth, he will take very good care of you.

the expert quilters became experts step by step. you are taking those steps, and one day, others will call you an expert. shelly, how many quilts are you doing? seems to me you will get your fingerprints on at least ten ...with all the single blocks and the ycmt quilt and rainbow sampler and calendar quilt and kaleidoscope?? wow that is a lot!

i have put my one measly quilt on the back burner(because i could not figure out which fabric to use for the border)and i am saying wow, you are so creative!! so DO post that award on your blog!

you are making a lot of baby stuff. sew mama sew has a lot of free tutorials and inspiration for things like that. also, see allcrafts:
scroll sown to 'sew for bay' and they have a lot of tutorial links.

i personally love these bibs :
because they are made to be used over and over, and they cover very well, not like the "heirloom" ones that can only be worn at photoshoots.

hope you can break out of the funk soon!

Three Prince Designs said...

Shelly - don't be so hard on yourself! You are very creative- that is why I gave you the award. You are always creating beautiful quilts and having fun with your friends. The pics from Mardi Gras were awesome! We all get in funks- but you are a bright and wonderful person! Do not let the funk win!!

I am going to send you an email though - I have some suggestions.

We love you- cheer up Dolphin!

Dragon's Dolphin said...

You--my friends are the best thing in the world for me! I don't know what I'd do without you. Jaya, you are so right--God has dressed the blue jays, the cardinals, and my camelia bushes in such deep, beautiful shades--why should I worry. Of course the weather that is looming over us might pummel all of those lovely blooms to nothingness. But still, God is a beautiful painter and will bring other spring colors to life--like green grass where my currently dead, brown grass is--if the weeds haven't totally over taken the yard!
What would I do without friends like you 2? Thanks for words of encouragement--I really need them.
Dolphin--otherwise known as Shelly LOL

Missy said...

Oh Shelley, I am so sorry you are feeling so down!

I hope your blue funk soon turns into a bright yellow, sunshiney funk soon!

Three Prince Designs said...

Oh- btw- how can you be in a funk in that bright colorful house of yours??? That would bring a smile to anyone's face!!

Cheer up Sleepy Jean--- I could break into song but hard to do on the internet.

It will seem better soon

a good yarn said...

I wish I had a dollar for everytime I have gone into the sewing room and ended up staring out the window or thumbing through magazines for the afternoon.

I can't see why you shouldn't enter swaps irrespective of the skill/ experience of the other quilters involved or your own. How we use the fabric is up to each individual. It's the swapping that's the fun part along with the *new* friends we make.

I have a little parcel on it's way to you tomorrow and I have everything crossed that you will like its contents. Will you like the fabrics I have chosen? Will you like the other goodies I have included? Will everything meet with your expectations?

I will be a bundle of nerves until you receive it.

I hope your funk passes soon. Hang in there.

Cheers...Ann :)

Barb said...

Maybe when you get my ugly quilt you will feel better????? It is on its way and has a surprise in there for you as well. I really don't think that you are the only one that suffers from this blue funk!!! So please know that you are not alone and well...just ride it out and one morning you will wake up all renewed and ready to pamper yourself for no and just know that there are a ton of us out there that care for you and well.....we will ride it out with you.

Carlotta said...

Oh my Shelly. I am so sorry that you're in a blue funk. But girlfriend, if you haven't heard it enough I'll tell you again. You are a talented soul. I love what you do with your quilts, your house, the children you teach. Don't let the "more experienced", so they think, quilters get you down. Take a deep breath and take some time to reflect. Not on what others are saying, but on life. God's creations, your family, new grandbabies. Things like that. The creativity will start to flow. I'm a new quilter as well, and I see quilting as an art, a form of expression. And that's how I go about my quilts. In art, I believe, all things don't have to be perfect. Yeah quilts with straight lines, and matching points are beautiful to look at. And boy do I marvel at how they can get those points to match up just so. But the scrappy, non-coordinated, lopsided quilts I like more. Which is why I like to sorta, quilt without rules. Don't be in a funk my friend. Use that energy to call your creative side, and create. I can't wait to see what you come up with next. Don't have me wait too long or I'll have to come over to your house of Disney and help shake it outta ya! LOL. Tootles for now!

Mama Krit said...

Oh my goddness! I can not believe what I am reading! Shelly, you are always there to encourage and complient others, of course you deserve the same. I have seen your quilt squares, I have seen your projects, your pictures, and the comments that you leave to other people. You are BY FAR one of the cleverest, sweetest, most crafting, caring people I know. You are not a quilting wanna be. I saw the quilt that you made and the squares that you made and they were all beautiful. So get out of your funk sweetie and start sewing!!