Everyone needs a place to call their own. What a better place to vent and share feelings with myself & others about the things I'm most passionate about, my: Lord, family, hobbies, & the shift from true hobby to money maker. Join me as I walk through days or months or specific activities. There's never a specific path that I follow--just the feelings or ideas of the day. And as you can tell, I don't always remember to return to the blog!
Friday, February 27, 2009
Blue Funk Hits Hard(er)
Blue Funk - What exactly is a blue funk? Well what we have always termed a blue funk around our house is NOT what the dictionary considers it! The definition I found was this:
blue funk Noun Slang a state of great terror
However the Thesaurus on the same page says:
Noun 1. blue funk - a state of nervous depression; "he was in a funk" funk depression - a mental state characterized by a pessimistic sense of inadequacy and a despondent lack of activity
Now that is more how we define a blue funk in this house! And ever since, well, I'm not even sure exactly when it started again, but since sometime, I've begun to slide into a blue funk. And for some reason, I just can't seem to get out of it.
It has caused me to stop having too much to say here in blogland--hence the lack of posts.
It has caused me to stop everything on my quilts
--waiting until the last possible minute to get my fat quarters ready and mailed to
my swap partners. I'm hoping it didn't cause me to choose aweful fabrics just because
of my mood--if it did, I'm so sorry to those of you that are receiving them.
--not moving on to the next step of the YCMT quilt. So I'm now at least 1-2 (if not more)
steps behind where I should be.
--stopped working on my blocks for the Rainbow Sampler Quilt Swap--only 3 of 18 blocks
--can't get the inspiration to put fabrics together for the kalaidescope ruler quilt I want to
--stopped all forward motion on the calendar quilt--and having to "hunt" for fabric to put
into it for each day and find meaning for it.
It has caused me to doubt my own work more so than any time I can remember lately. And I know that my abilities haven't changed--just my perspective of them. I know that the two wonderful ladies that I've corresponded with meant to give me help and encouragement--but the perception of black and white print often does not relate the intention; but more of how the reader perceives it. I know that ALL quilters start out as beginners initially. I know that many quilters don't sew anything (and never have) but quilts. I know that since I have NEVER actually pieced, layered, quilted, bound, etc. a quilt that I am not a TRUE quilter. However the term "you're just a wannabe quilter" just hit a nerve (and yes I know that was not its intent, so don't feel badly about saying it). I have rarely been considered a wannabe--as it is a short time between a "wannabe" and an "is" for me. I was told that I shouldn't participate in any swaps (especially with those that are experienced quilters as I'll be at the mercy of the sharks instead of getting encouragement from them). Well now that I'm involved in one, working on 2 different blocks that I've obviously never attempted before in my life--What do I do? If I don't continue now and make the blocks there will be two groups in the swap that won't have a color finished for the quilt. If I'm doing them incorrectly I will have screwed up everyone's in those two groups quilts. I've been told over and over (by people that know me face-to-face and have either seen my work or have worn my work) that I can sew circles around most anyone put "up against me" and have things that are more professional looking than others as well. But yet I feel now like I have done exactly what I was told not to do. I've set myself up for failure
--by not having a quilting class under my list of "I've done that".
--by never having made a quilt before entering a swap.
--by allowing my newness to be seen by others here, on flickr, and then in person by
those receiving the squares.
--by allowing my naiveness of "if I can sew, I can quilt" come out so loud and clear.
--by even caring what others think of my work and letting it bother me so.
It has stopped my creativeness
--in the baby bib/burp sets I was making for 2 nieces and now 2 grandchildren.
--in the baby clothes I had planned to make.
--in the baby blankets and/or quilts I had planned to make.
--in my ability to digitize machine embroidery designs.
--to even want to see if anything has done anything at my etsy shop.
--to even want to get near a sewing machine.
--in finding art/craft projects for my classroom for my unit on space that are new or
interesting yet not so complicated that they are worth doing.
--to finish organizing and decorating my sewing room.
It has stopped my ability to think past "what can I blog about today" as I seem to be coming up blank.
It has stopped my ability to find new and interesting things to talk about--and don't want to get into a "pity party" (but seem to be) when I do sit down to blog.
It has stopped me from being able to even find a starting point to anything. I know that should be easy--"You start at the very beginning, it's the very best place to start. When you read you begin with ABC, when you sing you begin with Do, Re, Me" But I can't seem to find the "beginning" to anything.
I was given a Kreative Blogger award--and I just can't find a reason it should be posted on my blog. Don't get me wrong--I'm very thankful that it was given to me. I'm thrilled to think that another would think that I'm creative enough to deserve it. But for right now, I just cannot find the creativity in me feel that I should deserve it.
NO, I'm not fishing for compliments!
NO, I'm not looking for an ego boost!
YES, I'm trying to explain what is troubling me--a lack of ideas, a lack of motivation (and I should have TONS of it), a major lack of creativity; and I really need to find it back QUICKLY!!!
MAYBE I'll feel better about things tomorrow and I'll be able to get at least one or two things accomplished on at least part of my GOT TO DO this weeekend list! Seems my couple of weeks of a flurry of activity and accomplishment have peteered out into NOTHINGNESS! I need to get back to those weeks where I got so much accomplished in a day, let alone a weekend. I just don't know what it will take to get me back to that. Any suggestions? Any ideas of how to break through the wall of creativity block?